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I called and when she answered I said, “Hi mom…I missed you.”There was a hesitation on the other end and she said, “Hi baby…are you okay?”Sure mom.” My agitation propelled me forward. “Mom, could I ask you a theoretical question?” She made a small noise of assent. “Can you love someone you’re not supposed to love…is that possible…and if you do, can you tell your heart to stop?”All she said was “Oh honey…” and got quiet. I pushed on.Mom, if you loved someone, wouldn’t you want to touch them and tell them and… make love with them…wouldn’t you do almost anything for the taste of their mouth and skin?” I heard her breathing strangely and deeply. As I asked if she was alright, it hit me and I said, “Mom what are you doing?”Even though I had thought it, I was still shocked when she said it, “I’m touching myself.” She filled in my stunned silence and said, “I have to go Ricky” and hung up before I could respond.That was probably the longest day of my life. When I got home we had dinner and. Oh, but I couldn’t. He was late. Being a woman, I knew what that meant. In reality, it meant that it was probably nothing and that by being a woman, I was worrying without any reason. So I acknowledged that and figured I’d just rationally direct myself to think about something else. I had to calm down, and took some slow, deep breaths. I thought to myself, other people do this all the time, so can I. I wasn't one for casual sex without at least the possibility of more, but this time I didn’t question it. There were no rules, so none could be broken. It would be whatever it was meant to be, there were no expectations, just intrigue and hopefulness. Finally, it was time to meet face to face. Unexpectedly, it felt so natural, not uncomfortable at all. It began with a couple minutes of an intense visual exchange, a greeting of sorts, filled with non-spoken, emotional communication. He was nice looking and his eyes were soft, with a little twinkle. He looked gentle yet edgy, confident,.
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